I briefly mentioned being fluid bound in my Responsible Sex post, but I wanted to talk about it more in-depth and talk about what it means to me. In monogamous relationships a couple reached a point where they stop using condoms because they’ve decided they’re in a monogamous relationship and that there is no risk of one of them bringing something contractible into the equation. The risk of pregnancy is still there, as no birth control is 100% accurate, and a couple either accepts this risk or doesn’t. In any case, it’s a turning point of sorts. It’s each member of that couple saying “I trust this other person not to put me at risk by being dishonest”.
In a poly situation the sentiment behind fluid bonding is very similar, at least to me. I have been fluid bound with very few partners besides my husband. It’s one of the most intimate parts of a sexual relationship, and one I never just trudge into without serious thought and discussion. It requires trust on all sides of the die.
Let’s talk about that trust. When I am fluid bound with someone I have to trust him (I’ll stick to him for this scenario) indelibly. I had a nurse at a clinic once tell me I should use condoms with Hubby because of our lifestyle because “how do you know you can trust him?“. My immediate answer was, “because he wouldn’t be my husband if I couldn’t”.
Being fluid bound means putting the health and safety of my entire family in the hands of my partner. That’s some pretty serious power. In turn he’s telling me that he trusts me and the rest of my family. Any partners fluid bound with me put their health and safety in Hubby’s hands and those of any partners with whom he is bound. Because of this web of trust it’s a conversation that happens within my partnership, then my marriage, then our family, so that everyone is heard and everyone feels comfortable. Then we all get tested and proceed from there.
Fluid bound also means trusting my partner to stand by me through anything. I know plenty of women who can tell you what form of birth control they were on when their children were conceived. It happens, and before I will even put that percentage of a risk in someone’s life I make sure he knows where I stand on the matter. This family is strong and resilient, but anyone unable or unwilling to accept the minute chance of being that deeply a part of it has to accept that it’s a risk I just won’t take.
Remember friends, condoms are cheaper than bad decisions. Don’t be pressured. Don’t be rushed. Being fluid bound with someone is beautiful. The proximity you feel with your partner is unmatched. See this profound experience for what it is, save it for those who really deserve it and cherish it, and use it to bring you closer as a couple. If you view it as something sacred you will protect it. If you view it as something valuable it will take your sexual experiences to new places. Sometimes we use poly to dilute these natural stages of a relationship and their unique blessings. Becoming fluid bound has always been one of those blessings for me. Take your time, and embrace each one in its time and speed. Believe me, it’s worth it.