When Hubby and I decided to make our relationship polyamorous we laid out a very specific map of where it could go for each of us to avoid it causing a rift in our marriage.  At that time the borders were drawn at same-sex partners only for anything that did not involve both of us.  As relationships and the people in them evolve and want to adventure into unknown territories, so do boundaries.  Eventually, Hubby wanted to branch out.  He felt my need to participate if we had a female addition to our household was a superficial one.  In reality, he had never expected to love another woman as much as he loves me, but it had happened, and he did not know how to make this transition.

Over the last two months we have worked to maintain the strength and power our marriage once possessed as we re-chart  the territories of the heart.  I can not say there have not been hurt feelings on both sides, nor can I say emotions are always logical or fair.  What I can say is that this situation, above all the other arrangements and positions in which we have found ourselves, has taught me enough about polyamory to know that I still know very little.  No one ever said learning was painless.

I decided to make this topic a series to be able to thoroughly cover the intricacies and multiple facets of such a household set-up as ours.  It is not always the easiest place to call home, but home it is.  In the next few articles I plan to address issues of communication and why it is the foundation of any relationship, not just one of this nature.  I also plan to talk about “the Others”, the people we invite to join our marriage, and the complicity in adding another person to things like time management and decision making.  One of the most important things I would like to open up for discussion,  however, is a list of common misconceptions and biases about a lifestyle that is still considered unhealthy, abhorrent, and unrealistic.

I hope you will come back to read and to learn with me, for it is through writing about my life that I begin to know and understand who I am and why.