A conversation came up recently about “coming out”, and it dawned on me that I never did.  I tried once.  When I told my grandmother about my bisexuality she asked me if I was sure, told me she had friends in high school she kissed, insisted that did not make her bisexual, and told me to just not make a scene.  I have never been a fan of big emotional scenes where my family is concerned, and it seemed sophomoric for me to make a big announcement about who I choose to love or who catches my interest.  In that same vein I never really announced when I chose a spiritual path or the fact that Hubby and I are polyamorists either.  People will notice and figure it out or they won’t.  It doesn not affect how we live our lives one way or the other.

I am never sure how my family would have responded had I “come out”.  Sometime after I started high school I started slipping the word “girlfriend” into conversation, and I have never hid my interest in any girl in front of my family.  It recently came to my attention that there is more than I assumed about my life my family never noticed.  I never made an effort to actively hide these things.  I just never saw the need for histrionics or more emotions that I already carried within me.  Perhaps this was not fair to them.  Perhaps they deserved a chance to experience my adolescence with me.  Perhaps a part of my growing, healing, and understanding life and the world around me could have also been a growing and learning experience for them.

When I moved to Pennsylvania there were things that just never came up, which meant there were more things my family never knew about my life.  With the advent and assimilation of my family into social networking sites there was a little more awareness of who I am.  As long as other people resist telling my family things about me that are either misconceptions or ignorant assumptions this has mostly been a positive change in how my family and I relate and communicate.  This blog came a missing link of sorts, as it covers my past as well as my present in more detail than a Facebook status or phone conversation.  I often get more intimate with my readers than I do over the phone or in person, so there will be things here people would not necessarily know otherwise.  This is not a personal slight.  I am just more comfortable in this venue than a face to face situation with most people when it comes to possibly emotional topics.

A while ago my grandmother “friend requested” me on Facebook, and it handed me a choice that I pondered for a while.  Did I deny the request and leave her to wonder why, add her and censor my life, or add her and accept that there may be questions about the adult I have become.  I decided to act like just that, a mature adult with my own life.  I had a smaller version of this dilemma with co-workers, friends from my past, and anyone new in my life.  I realize there are things people may find out about me that are difficult and may spawn questions, but I can not fathom hiding who I am from anyone I love.  If they love me in return they will accept me and share in my joy in my life.  I guess, in a way, this is a form of coming out for me.

What about you, dear readers?  If you live an alternative lifestyle are you “out”?  How did you do it?  How do you life the lifestyle?  I would love to hear from you.  This  blog is about your stories as much as it is about mine.

Hi, I’m pansexual, pagan, and polyamorous.  Who are you?