Before I can properly convey what makes up a polyamory I feel compelled to clarify what it is not.  Let me start by stating that I am in no way an expert.  I can only speak from my experiences and those of people I have spoken with on the topic.  I had a lot of questions when I entered the lifestyle years ago, and I continue to have questions, but a lot of people stop at misconceptions.  Why is it easier for us to accept false assumptions than to learn and expand our understanding of the world around us?

We will start with the easiest and most obvious of the assumptions out there, “the sex myth”.  Polyamory is not all about sex.  Let me repeat that.  Polyamory is not all about sex. There are situations where the relationship, like many monogamous and non-dating relationship, is built around sex.  A couple may even have a situation where sex is as far as it goes with other partners, but polyamory as a lifestyle is not only about being able to have sex with other people without it being called cheating.  I know people who have tried to fix a faltering marriage by making it polyamorous.  All this did was feed insecurities and pit each partner against the other.  People with sex addiction often try to use polyamory to quell desires.  This is a detrimental and  destructive behaviour, and is not what polyamory as a social movement is about.

The second most common myth I have come across is the belief that a couple will use the lifestyle to cure problems within their relationship.  Polyamory is not evidence of an unsatisfying sex life or one persons lack of desire, love, maturity, or happiness with his or her partner.  The truth in a successful poly situation is generally the opposite.  A couple can not venture in this direction unless their relationship is strong, secure, and honest.  If I could not trust Hubby to be committed to our unity I would never feel comfortable with either of us having other partners.  I have to be secure in my position as his wife and not let myself fall prey to paranoia.  I also have to have faith in myself and honest about my emotions and needs to avoid engaging in dishonest or hurtful behaviour and putting my marriage at risk.

My last set of misconceptions is about us, the polyamorists.  While there is a large community of us who are pagans, Wiccans, or agnostics, this is not always the case.  We are also not all kinky or perverse.  Being poly does not imply group play or unconventional sex practices.  It merely implies one has more than one partner with which to have one’s mundane vanilla sex.

A  polyamorous relationship is never as cut and dry as it may seem to an outsider.  It requires balance, compromise, constant communication, and a willingness to accept that things change.  People change.  Emotions can not be predicted, and even in the most secure situation jealousy and suspicions can crop up.

There may be things I have missed or not addressed for innumerable reasons.  I can not possibly cover it all in one article.  I have, however, included a new link in the link section.  It may be a few years old, but good information never gets stale.

So now that I have covered misconceptions I can get on with the rest of the series.  Stay tuned, dear readers, and love who you love!