I knew at some point my family would read Pearls and Pentagrams, and probably have questions, but it seems the posts I thought would make the biggest waves were either avoided or just not as important as I had imagined.  Apparently, the fact that Hubby and I open our relationship to other partners is not as shocking as what may or may not have happened to my 5-year old self.  Why is it, I wonder, that I was barraged with emails about how “shocked” or “hurt” they were at events that happened to ME?  Why is it that I was told I needed to relive these events for the sake of their processing?  I write to inspire and support, not to prolong the pain from my past or to give anyone the means to victimize themselves with my experiences.  Each and every negative moment of my life has been a learning experience, and I will not dredge up old wounds for the sake of my family’s lack of observation when such things were happening.  I never blamed my mother for what happened out of her sight.   I never blamed my father for calling Child protective Services when I mentioned the “tickle game”, and I never told them a thing.  Why?  I never said anything because I never let it happen again, and I would be damned if I was going to let them take me away from my mother.  I had my ways of getting rid of people who were no good for either of us.  At 5 and 6-years old I had developed a defense mechanism that kept us together and kept danger out of our household.

That being said, my father is a wonderfully supportive man who has never asked too many questions.  I wonder sometimes if it stems from a desire not to know too any details or because he really just does not care as long as I am happy.  We met in Las Vegas on Monday, and through the course of the week we had a few good conversations.  I mentioned a few times a girl I was seeing for a while.  As usual he did not bat an eyelash.  Not once did he question the fact that, for the first time, his daughter had openly admitted not just to having the ambiguous “girlfriend” but to actually “seeing” a female, all while engaged to Hubby.  I give him a lot of credit.  Not all of my family would take such things in stride.  My dad and I have always had a close relationship, but it has not always been a communicative one.  we share laughs and the occasional “what’s going on it your life” conversation, but it was a lot more superficial when I was a teenager.  Now that I am in my mid-twenties we talk more openly.  Maybe it is because I never feel the need to hide who I am from him.  Maybe I know deep down he would never judge me or not love me because of the life I live.  He may try to counsel me otherwise, but he would never disown me because of the way I live MY life.  He has never put me down for my sexuality, my spirituality, or my personal relationships.  I can never thank him enough for that.  Did he question me about my Woman Warrior post?  Any dad would.  Did he press me for more information?  No, and I am eternally grateful for that.  Neither of us needs to relive those moments in my life.  I may have needed to live through them the first time to become the woman I am today.

On a lighter note, we didn’t win a dime in Las Vegas, and it poured the entire time.  I, however, was just happy to spend some quality time with my father and see him enjoy himself.  I could not have asked for a better way to spend my vacation.

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