Love… Google it, I dare you.  The results would be astounding.  I did it, and after a cornucopia of definitions and usage rules the internet offered to show me “images of love”.  I declined.  It’s been “explained” in volumes of book in every language ever written.  It’s been legislated for and against.  Governments have attempted to regulate it, and religious structures have attempted to restrict it.  Ask a million people what the definition of love is, and you’ll get a billion answers.  Is it any wonder we have so many problems understanding, accepting, or feeling it? We’re simply over thinking it.  We’re too concerned about who, how much, and what to call it.  We’re too worried about the levels of love and where the  boundaries lie between them.  We look for love, and we analyze it when we think we’ve found it.  We think about love so much we forget how to just do it.

“On ne voit bien qu’avec le coeur. L’essentiel est invisible pour les yeux”

This quote from The Little Prince, and I quote this book a lot when writing about love because it lays things out very well, states, “One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.”  For me this goes beyond the general “love is blind” theory to the root and life of love itself.

Polyamory works for me because there is no degree or differentiation between the love I give to anyone over another.  Yes, Hubby and I have a connection I will never have with another human being, but the love I give is no different from the love I give anyone else.  When I decide to give my love it is wholeheartedly and unconditional regardless of whether the relationship is ever sexual or committed.  I have friends I love like immediate family.  I trust them, I confide in them, and I share my life with them as much as they will have me.  I expect nothing in return unless they decide to offer love as well.  In that case I expect honesty and acceptance.  I expect them to love me completely and with no emotional restrictions.  I would give my life for the handful of people I have chosen and continue to love.

Despite the poly aspect of my lifestyle love is not something I give to everyone, mostly because it is something I don’t take lightly.  I have never said the words “I love you” when I didn’t mean them.  I don’t even use it as a term of endearment unless there is some form of the emotion present.  There are plenty of people I like and care about.  There are even some I cherish and will gladly offer them anything I can, but love is something that grows from those relationships.

This has not always been the case in my life.  There was a time when I “loved” every person who offered me a kind hand or a night’s touch.  I made a lot of mistakes and opened myself up to a lot of destructive energy. I let people I loved take advantage of it and use it against me.  I gave up who I was to be who they told me they would love.

I made it through with a better understanding of what I want, need, and deserve, as well as an ever-growing knowledge of what I am willing to sacrifice and capable of offering.  The love I give now is pure, strong, and unstoppable.  The love I give now can change lives and heal wounds.  The love I give now is worth having and giving.  The love I have now is worth getting in return, and sometimes I do.

“Goodbye,” said the fox. “Here is my secret. It’s quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes. . . . It’s the time that you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important. . . . People have forgotten this truth,” the fox said, “But you mustn’t forget it. You become responsible for what you’ve tamed. You’re responsible for your rose. . . .”

Go now…love without thinking about it.

Aloha

 

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