I will never say there are no problems that cannot be solved when it comes to polyamory.  There are problems that cannot be solved in any relationship.  Most issues can be resolved with a lot of conversation, a heavy dose of compromise, and inevitably a pinch or two of sacrifice, even the ones that seem insurmountable.

There have been a few instances where I’ve been forced to put my foot down, cases where metamors couldn’t be trusted or tolerated.  I hate telling hubby who he can and cannot have relationships with, and I cannot tell him who can love, but I can tell him who I will welcome into my family or household.

But what happens when there is no solution to make everyone happy?  Who gives in?  Who cuts his loses?  Who gets what he wants?

I don’t really have a good answer for this, my friends.  There have been times when I’ve had to swallow my pride and hope for the best or risk my husband walking away from our life.  There have been  times where he’s given up promising roads because of the upset and hurt it caused me.  The one who gets her way isn’t always right.  Sometimes no one is.

All we can do in these cases is choose an action, execute it, and let the healing begin.  We try our best not to feel regret or resentment.  We try our best not to let it haunt the rest of our lives.  We do what we can to wash away any residue that might come up in future arguments or conflicts, and we remind ourselves that there is no keeping score.

The only way to come out of this kind of thing alive is to look towards each other, which is sometimes the hardest part.  Sometimes the only place two wounded individuals have to turn is to each other, and that’s a hard medicine to swallow on both sides.  We both learn and grow from these moments, and we can only hope to carry those lessons with us to future relationships as wisdom not baggage.

None of us can be proud of every moment we live, but they shape us as future spouses, partners, and lovers.  They shape us as parents and mentors.  They shape us as friends.  In the moments when we’re alone they shape us as individuals carrying a toolbox full of experiences and choices, whether bad or good.

Unsolvable puzzles still strengthen us as long as we do not let them make us weak as two souls and as a partnership.  The key is knowing which puzzles are impossible and which ones we just don’t want to attempt.

Go now, heal and move on.

Aloha

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