If there’s one thing poly’s are good at, it’s waiting. We understand not only the importance of patience but consideration and, yes, to a point validation. It’s more than a virtue, it’s a must, that we sometimes hold back and not rush forward like a child with no focus but the goal. Here is what patience means in a poly family.
Sometimes I want to see Hubby. Sometimes I need him for something only slightly important. Sometimes I’m just bored. Sometimes that happens and he’s out with another partner. I could call and ask him to come home, but I won’t. Not only is it inconsiderate and selfish, but it also creates a “crying wolf” situation. He knows if I call him while he’s on a date or with someone else that I actually need something important or there is an emergency, and he is more likely not to ignore the call. This is especially important in households that involve children or anyone who is sick. I’d hate for my whims and need for attention annoyed him so much that he ignored a call that said our child was hurt or I was in trouble of some kind.
Sometimes important decisions need to be discussed and decided on as a household, which at times means waiting for a good time for that to happen. Right now we are in a situation where Hubby has been away, which means any big changes to our family need to wait until he’s home and we can all decide on what’s best for us.
Sometimes we have to tell new prospective partners to wait and be patient themselves. Just because we can have multiple relationships does not mean we need to have them as quickly as possible. Sometimes it means waiting my turn before I pursue an interest Other times it means giving Hubby his space to lay the foundation on a new relationship. This can be one of the hardest lessons in patience that any of us endures, since love is rarely patient. Here it has to be, or all the relationships involved will suffer for it.
I’ve had all these scenarios in one fashion or another pop up to me in the last few months. Patience is not something I possessed before being in a poly marriage, and something I struggled to learn and live with. It’s an expectation I have for all my partners, as patience combines consideration, respect, and selflessness. It’s a state of mind that takes into account everyone and forces us to see outside our bubble the needs of others. Patience is more than a virtue, it’s a form of love.
Go now, ponder patience.