SO, friends, it’s been a while.  Tonight is not about a lesson, personal gnosis, or experience.  There’s no big moral to find in the end.  Tonight is just about staying connected.  After all, I’m not a textbook.  I’m not a doctor.  I’m not some kind of oddly specialized robot. I’m a real person trying to share my life experiences, and with that real person life comes real person life issues that get in front of the things I’d like to be doing.

For weeks I didn’t write because I felt I had nothing special to say, so I didn’t say anything.  I was stressed beyond the point of writing anything coherent.  I found myself as close to single as I can get as a married poly woman, all my relationships aside from that with Hubby fading away, and the stress of our living situation finally starting to crack me.  I felt distant from my faith and powerless in my life.  Normal life goals, the American Dream, seemed lost and unattainable.

So what did I do?  I got a tattoo.  Now, before you close the browser and assume I got some sissy hip tattoo that I decided on at the last minute, think again.  That’s what Hubby did as I was sitting in a chair being inked by one of my best friends, but never mind that.  The design I now have permanently inked on my left shoulder was one I thought about for a long time, and one that ended up being extremely significant and personal.  Here it is, friends.

Freedom.  All the struggles and setbacks aside, this is what keeps me going ever day.  I have a husband who loves me and allows me to love unconditionally and without boundaries.  I can love however and whomever I wish to let into my heart, and that’s an extremely powerful thing.  The lovebirds are a symbol of our choice to be life mates, no matter who or what enters our lives.  Live, Laugh, Love.  We’ve all seen this somewhere.  My first time seeing them together like this was the week of my mother’s funeral.  She had ordered me a tea set for my birthday, and it had those words painted on the teapot.  Any time I feel a need to reconnect with her spirit inside me it comes through in those words, as they emanated from her like a beacon.  She taught me how to live, laugh, and love no matter what I was experiencing in life, and that has given me the freedom to be myself, be strong, and be faithful to my spirit and my family through adversity and hardship.  We won’t focus on the fact that the font used on a tattoo bearing a recognized symbol of polyamory is called “Wedding Nightmare”.

So there it is.  I can choose to give up and live in the attic of a smoke-filled house forever.  I can forget ever having a place of our own or being financially stable enough to start a family.  I can live my life afraid to love because it might end and I might be sad.  I can lie down and admit defeat, or I can choose to be free, and in choosing to be free I can be empowered to change it.  I can choose to live, laugh, and love and never let my faith or spirit go sour.

That’s what I choose, friends.  I’ve now got a permanent mark on my body to prove it.

Go now; live, laugh, love.

Aloha.

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