English: Polyamory contingent at San Francisco...

In much of my writing I focus on issues one may encounter in polyamory.  I do this mostly because in the beginning I felt like I wasn’t cut out to be poly.  Everyone around us seemed to have it figured out, and we felt like we were struggling.  My aim has been to mitigate some of those lost “doing it wrong” feelings and offer a little bit of a road map to changes and situations many poly couples face on a regular basis.  Well, friends, today my road map becomes a travel guide.  Today is all about positivity and celebration of one of the best decisions I ever made for my life, my heart, and my marriage.

I’m a rather complex person.  I have a myriad of needs, desires, and interests that often conflict each other, and my whole life I have searched for someone who could fill at least an acceptable percentage of those things.  Fortunately for me I found him.  Hubby is the man I looked for and dreamed about, he is my soul mate, and I could  live a very happy monogamous life with him.  This is why we’re married.  I’ve found that one.  In making the decision to become poly I was not saying I needed or wanted anything more, I was opening the door to opportunities and experiences I had never even though to want or need.  I had the security of a happy marriage, and that gave me the confidence and ambition to really find out what else this world could offer me.  Sometimes my partners seem like a spitting image of Hubby, but in many cases they are people I would have never imagined a connection with, let alone a long term relationship.  Polyamory has allowed me to broaden my view and really discover new parts of myself.

Because of this I have redefined my definition of family.  I have always been very close to my family, whether or not I knew it, but college brought me 3,000 miles away from them.  For a long time I struggled to find my chosen family, but through my spiritual endeavours and polyamory I have managed to do so.  Hubby’s partners and I, ideally, are able to form our own special bond.  Through this bond I feel like I gain sisters and brothers, friends, and confidants.  Through rough times I have a whole web of support instead of one taut string expected to bear all my weight.  In good times I have my own cheering squad.  I absolutely love family gatherings and celebrations because they have come to include both related and chosen family.  The feeling of inclusion and togetherness is indescribable.

Love, support, and broadened horizons aside, polyamory has innumerable hidden positives.  Ladies, how many times have you stayed at a guy’s house for the first time and lamented the lack of conditioner in the shower?  Poly men often have girlfriend toiletries.  Men, my tangled hair thanks you all.  I never have leftovers in my fridge for longer than a day or two, and there is never week old birthday cake on my counter.  I have developed a fresh appreciation for the rare night alone as well as a crowded house, and I never have to worry about having someone to call when I need to move a couch.

One of the biggest lessons my poly family has taught me is to savor all the moments, big and small.  This is the core of our home.  After five years together Hubby and I still have days when we act like we just met.  He still surprises me with flowers and things he knows will make me smile.  On the flip side of the poly coin is the cozy, familiar relationship we have.  We are a family, and the little moments we spend together are golden.  I know this isn’t always a poly specific positive, but perhaps one many monogamous couples overlook.  Because of our ever evolving family structure I have learned to enjoy every minute and adapt to the changing landscape.  It hurts both of us when there is a breakup, and there are some growing pains when a new presence enters the scene, but the warm place that grows every time a new family member settles into our household.  That place is home, and that is the best place in world.

Aloha.

Go now, go home.

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