Pardon the break from useful content and indulge me in a need for companionship.  Friends, it has been the better part of a week since I’ve gotten so much as a hug, and I am simply not put together this way.  The caveat of being open and wearing my heart on my sleeve is that I get lonely.  Yes, it is possible for someone polyamorous to be lonely, and tonight I have gone through all the stages of loneliness, from angry to sad to numb to “let’s make a terrible decision we’ll regret later”.

Hubby is currently away on a trip with A that started while I was away for work, which means I haven’t seen him since Monday, and even that was a fly-by event.  He also forgot his phone at home, and while he has been calling to check in from A’s phone I can’t just text or call him with an issue.  Besides, the man’s on vacation.

With the weekend to myself I made plans.  Oh, the plans I made.  One by one each and every single plan I set in motion for this weekend has backfired or jumped ship, even the highly anticipated time I had planned with my new beau, so it’s been am emotional rollercoaster through a Blue Moon.

Now here I am, unable to sleep, unable to call, and unable to find any rhyme or reason to my emotions.  I am not someone given to fits of depression and loneliness, but it has been an unusually rough week healthwise, which always plays with my stability.  What to I do, friends, aside from sit on the internet at 2am desperately searching for someone else who might be up?  Frankly, that’s it.  I suck it up like a big girl and hope for a better day tomorrow.  I resist a million puling posts about being lonely and pent-up and hope I don’t say anything I might later regret.  I wait for Hubby to return on Monday and hope there’s a hug for me in there somewhere.  I refuse to let myself go back to a place where bad decisions are made by emotions and my only means of outlet is destruction, distraction, and pushing everyone I love away from me.  After all, how does that help my case of loneliness?  It doesn’t, that’s how.

Go now.  Why aren’t you in bed?

Namaste.

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