Watching Polyamory: Married and Dating, I’ve heard some interesting things.  The one that really sparked my interest is the idea that polyamorous relationships don’t break up.  That they merely transition into friendships or find ways to remain in each other’s lives.  Like most blanket sentences, this is just not true.  If a partner seriously hurts me or we find we have moved so far apart that we no longer relate, there may not be a way to stay in each other’s lives.  There are several things used to support this theory, and all of them are true in some aspect, but they all miss one key point.  We’re human before we are poly.  None of our knowledge or practice is exclusive to poly, we just seem to feel a greater need to prove ourselves.

“Poly is such a small community that we need to stay in each other’s lives.”  I have never agreed with this statement.  Poly is not such a small community that I need to keep someone in my life who caused nothing but drama and did nothing but drain my energy and patience.  we have had partners who turned friends against us, who lied to our faces, and who spread our family’s business all over our social circles and the internet.  The truth in this statement lies in the fact that, yes, we can be a small community in many parts of the country.  This means we will most likely run into people we no longer care to run into.  This doesn’t mean we need to be friends, it just means we need to be adults.

“We’re better at communicating, so we can all stay friends.”   I agree that communication is key, and has the possibility to cut a breakup off at the pass, but sometimes people don’t break up due to lack of communication.  There are some things communication cannot fix, and there are some instances in which I need to separate myself from someone’s negativity.  Mind your buzzwords and party slogans, friends.

“We’re all poly, so we need to get along and stick together!”  This seems to be a trend in the poly community, and one that I think alienates us as a whole.  People who practice polyamory are just as diverse as people who are not.  People are people, no matter how we love, and this means we have real lives and real issues.  We have real relationships, and we have real breakups.  If we want to be accepted and included in society we need to stop putting it on TV that we are so evolved and enlightened.  Honestly, people, we’re human.

Go now.  or Just go.

Aloha.

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