I found myself speaking with an old friend very early this morning whom I haven’t seen on a regular basis since I was 21.  At the time, in my mind, I was a struggling college dropout.  I didn’t know what I was doing with my life, I was working a frantic entry level job at the mall and trying to sell my art on the side, and I constantly wondered where my next meal was coming from.  Basically, it was a less adult version of what I’m doing now.  I was wildly taken aback when  this friend told me that he still talks about me and who I was then, but in his version I’m a girl with a passion doing what I love and making it happen.  His words to me?

Experience is what it is, and its powerful.  Don’t let anyone put it down. You’ve done the hard work before.  Now this stuff is just how you present most of it

I begin to wonder now if that’s the key.  With the matured focus and extra information and resources I have now, is that the missing piece, and I’ve had it all along?  It seems so simple, yet I’ve overlooked it because somewhere since then I lost sight of the dream to focus on the “methods” and “plans”.  Sure there’s merit to all that, but none of it means anything if the passion for that work doesn’t show when I give myself to the world.

Somewhere towards the end of that line of conversation he gave me this:  

Don’t throw yourself into what needs to be.  Throw yourself into what can be

Suddenly it all made sense.  I finished my NaNoWriMo project because it was something I was capable of doing every single day.  If I approach these other goals with that same concept and add in the passion I once had for life and creativity I could be unstoppable.

I remember why I kept myself around this friend so much at a time in my life when I was depressed, suicidal, mostly friendless, and ready to give up my dreams for a bucket of bad decisions.  Not only was he always there to make me smile and feel like I had some fight left in me, but he reminded me why I fought to begin with.  That power makes me who I am.  The good, the bad, the frustrating, it’s all a part of who I am, and it makes me one hell of a fighter.