English: Who Needs a Fancy Sledge? Family fun ...


Someone recently told me that he understood polyamory because of one’s ability to have constant excitement when a marriage gets boring.  After mulling it over and thinking of my family I smiled, mostly because this guy will never understand the key to even a monogamous relationship.

New relationship energy (NRE) is awesome, I agree.  It’s exciting to have someone new to explore inside and out, hearing their stories for the first time, and feeling the spark of new chemistry.  It’s a feeling that cannot be recreated as a couple journeys through life together, and it’s absolutely something to cherish and enjoy.  It’s a rush some people would not give up for the world, but most of those people have never felt the excitement and energy of what’s beyond NRE.

There is an erroneous belief that once “the honeymoon is over” and we settle in to life together that life becomes rote and boring.  It’s true that we get comfortable and pick up some of the personal ambitions and interests we may have set aside for a while, but comfort doesn’t mean have to mean complacency.

What that comfort does mean is a deeper intimacy than you find with NRE.  It means an understanding of each other that creates an excitement and anticipation all its own.  I already know where most of Hubby’s paths go, but they are no less beautiful and exciting than they were when I was stumbling across them.  Having this bond means another level of communication and body language that only two people who have gotten to this level of comfort can have.  That comfort makes us a well oiled machine with an energy that reverberates through our lives even when we are not together.

The idea that we become rote and boring implies that we are static creatures. As human beings, that is simply not true.  We change, we grow, we evolve, and watching that in process Hubby and getting to know all these new and exciting aspects of him is an awesome thing.  The fact that I have someone to share my growth who continues to love me in all my forms is even more unbelievable sometimes.

Like any part of a healthy marriage, keeping a vibrant energy going takes maintenance.  It takes awareness of who Hubby is and who he is becoming.  It takes accepting all those changes.  It takes letting him see who I am becoming and trusting him to accept me for whoever I am.  Most importantly it takes a willingness to step out of the comfort zone once in a while and do something new together.  Take a trip, take a class, anything to stir life up a little.  It takes not letting the rut and routine swallow us whole just because we’ve been together for more than five years.  It’s a commitment, and it’s a refreshing part of our life.

We are not poly because we’re bores with each other.  If anything, this poly family keeps the excitement turned up.  This has nothing to do with new partners or NRE.  It has everything to do with who we are as a family, and this family never fails to keeps me on my toes.