Not necessarily just being attracted to one person

Finding one person to date and share a life with can be hard.  Finding a second who is compatible with your family? Who would sign up for that?  Polyamorists, that’s who.  Jumping off from my last post, let’s talk about how to proceed once you’ve decided to take the leap.  I’ll remind you that this is how my family operates, not all poly families or couples.

I prefer to start any relationship the way I’d like them to proceed, openly and honestly.  My husband and I disagree about when we talk to new love interests about polyamory and our family, but whether it’s on the first date or once you decide there’s a connection, it’s an important conversation to have. Before I begin to date someone I make sure they know my situation and my expectations.  That way there are no misconceptions from the door.

While Hubby prefers to meet any new suitors before I go on a date, it’s not always feasible with our respective schedules.  I at least make sure he knows who I’m with and what our plans are.  It makes him feel more comfortable with me being out with a stranger, and in some ways it puts me at ease as well.

No matter what my marital status is, I always expect a new interest to be a gentleman and go through the proper steps that anyone would go through at the beginning of a relationship.  I enjoy the early stages of a romance, and I really have fun with NRE (new relationship energy).  My new partnership is not my marriage, and there’s no reason it should rush through its upstart because I’m someone’s wife.  I have no problems taking these new partnerships at a slow, steady pace.  I’m not desperate for a relationship.  I’m not lonely, bored, or anxious for new love.  I also do not owe anyone anything.  Just because I have others doesn’t mean I owe someone sex.   There is no reason not to take our time and get to know each other.  Remember that.  Don’t cheat yourself out of the experience because you want to get to the meat of polyamory.

Remember that poly dating is still dating.  Just because the  first person who takes you on a date is poly, or at least open to the idea, and interested doesn’t mean that’s the person you have to date.  Do you remember how many people you went through to find your spouse?  What makes you think finding a third or a secondary partner will happen right off the bat?  Again, give it time.  Don’t settle just to “be poly”.

In that same vein, polyamory is not Pokemon.  You do not have to date every and any person who asks.  You are allowed to wait for the right partner.  In my mind, polysaturation can ruin the experience.  If I call every guy in my life a “boyfriend” it cheapens that position in my life.  I hold the title very close to my heart, and anyone I call a “partner” holds a piece of me.  I take it very seriously, and I won’t date every guy or girl who comes along  just because I can.  To me, polyamory is about loving relationships not just collecting people.  I simply don’t have the time or energy for that.

The last piece of advice I can give about poly dating is to enjoy yourself.  Don’t worry about the next three steps.  Enjoy this one.  Have fun.  Do something new.  Then go home and share the excitement with your spouse!

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