Despite being one myself, I have never understood females.  I had friends who were girls in elementary and high schools, but never a lot of them, and very few of them still exist in my life today.  When I moved to Philadelphia and started making a new group of friends, a large majority of them were males.

Why?  For one, I hate drama.  Be my friend, or don’t, but don’t make me guess, and don’t change your mind about it every day.  Know what you want from me, and be able to communicate that in a way that isn’t whining at me or bitching about it.  I understand that not all women are like this in the same way that I understand that some men are, but my experiences with female friends and girlfriends early on in life left my tolerance for such things awfully low.

Let’s now toss in a dash of awkwardness.  I’m never sure how to act around other women.  I’ve always had a very relaxed, “tomboy” streak, but I also have times when I like to dress fancy and be very feminine.  I’m never sure which one I’m supposed to be.  I spent many years as the fat friend, even more as the frumpy friend, and a few more than that as the one everybody knew liked girls.  All my life I’ve felt like other females spent time with me out of some sense of pity, like a community service project.  I constantly feel too old, too old, too square, or too stupid to carry conversations with women where I’m more confident in face-to-face interactions with men.  Why?  In my experience, men will tell me when I’m wrong, how they feel about me, and whether or not I’m boring the life out of them.  They will not sugar coat things or pretend to want me around.  In general, men are not afraid to be blunt and not patient enough to keep me around because I might be useful someday.

This awkwardness has bled into my dating life.  I’m not a dating guru by any means, but I can hold my own in the heterosexual dating realm in ways I could not imagine doing when dating women.  I have a hard time deciphering the girl code enough to know whether she’s flirting or just being nice.  I feel like making the first move makes me vulnerable to being laughed at and rejected, so I pull back very early on if I start to feel interested in a woman.  It’s a very odd feeling for me.

Hubby has tried to teach me to flirt with women for years.  He has seen me, in a single night, flirt a man so far out of my league that we shouldn’t even have been in the same room out of his number then clam up when a woman is obviously interested.  This is not to say I haven’t had girlfriends, but I have yet to have one in the last six years that Hubby hasn’t found for me.

I’m not really sure how to fix this problem or why I’ve decided to throw it out into the universe, but maybe one of you kind souls out there has a handbook or something…or just  woman to throw my way.