Way back when I did my Poly-tics series I wrote about The Deep End.  Well, it all came back to haunt me recently when I became involved with someone who had just opened a long-time monogamous marriage.  The result was a lot of exactly what I cautioned in the second installation of the series.  Had I known at the time how deep this deep end really was I might not have ventured into it, but there I was, surrounded by dark waters of insecurity, doubt, mistrust, and miscommunication.  I did what I could to be helpful.  I offered the same advice I would offer friends or people seeking counsel.  I tried to help both parties through what I know can be an extremely tumultuous storm.  In the end I was left adrift in a Deep End that was not my own with an overload of red flags and I-told-you-sos.

It was during this time that I began to hear the term Testing the Waters in reference to poly.  What struck me immediately was the fact that once you’ve involved another human being and a relationship begins to form you can no longer be “testing” anything.  It’s unfair to both members of the new relationship, and it’s a detrimental attitude to the entire situation. Polyamory requires complete commitment and dedication.  If you can’t give that to yourself, your partner, and any new partners you bring into your life, you’re better off sunbathing on the shoreline until you can really brave the deep end.

Take it from me.

 

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