Just this last week my home state of Pennsylvania legalized marriage equality, and now that both of the states I call home have done so, I feel the push to chime in with an experience I’ve had in both cases.  As someone who identifies as pansexual, and as someone who happens to already be in a legal, heterosexual, open marriage, I have come under a lot of fire for supporting the cause as anything but an ally.  Let’s break that down…

Pansexual:  Yes, I have love and attraction to anyone, anyone, who catches that attention, no matter how they identify.  Why is it that because a cis male is included in that I am devoid of caring about the opportunity to marry any of the other possible pairings?  We must stop the labeling, the arguing about labeling, and the snobbery and isolation that arise from that labeling.

Married: Ok, so it’s true.  I’m already legally married, and I don’t plan on that changing in my life.  Does that mean I couldn’t have wanted to marry someone who didn’t legally apply?  I love cookies and cream ice cream, but does that mean I wouldn’t like the opportunity to choose Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, which I also happen to love?  Why does the fact that my ultimate legal choice was an acceptable one negate this as a victory for my heart?

Poly: This is something I’ve struggled with within the LGBTQ community for years.  In the opinion of some people, aligning with the poly community means a step back for all the work the LGBTQ community has done to convince the world that they can be just as committed to each other as heterosexual relationships can.  While I understand this very conservative opinion, I have to ask why heterosexual marriages don’t have to prove the same?  Why aren’t accepted social norms put to the same litmus tests as alternative lifestyles?  Oh right, because it’s more acceptable to cheat on a heterosexual spouse than to be honest and open.  I also realize that poly families have a long way to go in that regard, and that our struggle for acceptance over prejudice and mockery is in a very young stage.

The truth is, it shouldn’t matter if this step forward benefits me in any way or not.  It shouldn’t even matter that I know people personally who it benefits.  The only thing that should matter is that this is the right thing for people.  Period.  This entire post has been an excuse to say this:  Congratulations, people!  This is how life should be, and we need to stop worrying about who does and doesn’t have the right to celebrate life. 

Go now.  Celebrate equality and love!

Aloha

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