“What would you say,” a friend posed to me as I sat at his table, “to a friend who had just told you what you just told me?”  We had been discussing certain decisions coming up in my life and what I should consider when making them. He was right.  If I took the sentiment and nostalgia out of the situation the answer I was looking for was right in front of my face.  I just didn’t want to accept it.  I tried to take what he had said to heart, and in the following days I gained such a powerful sense of clarity that I felt foolish for not having seen it before.  I knew what I had to do, but I also knew that this meant fortifying my relationship with myself.

Then there came this night.  A night when all the love and support in the world was gone, and everything was quiet.  A night when loneliness took over, and my only option was to learn to stand up in the darkness by myself.  You know what?  In that moment I learned what it was like to become my own best friend, to really trust myself to be available for me when I needed a little extra strength and love, and to actually do so.

Don’t get me wrong, my outer support circle is fantastic, but they can’t be with me all the time.  I cannot allow myself to become dependent.  I also cannot allow myself to become self-destructive when left to my own devices.  I must learn to thrive and enjoy being alone, and this is a very fresh lesson.  I must learn to do this myself or it will overpower me.  The darkness, the silence, the solitude.  It all comes from within, so it is from within that it must be overcome.

What would I say to a friend?  Nothing.  She already knows the answers.  She already has the seeds of change within her.  She just needs a friend.  It’s up to me to be that friend.

 

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