I took on an extremely ambitious piece of writing this year for NaNoWriMo.  After having to stop just short of my goal the first year due to a broken arm Thanksgiving Weekend and finishing with a product coherent enough to be in the editing process now, this year I took on an extremely heavy task.  Half fiction, half non-fiction, the piece chronicled the rocky path of a crumbling marriage in a woman’s mind during her final moments. For those of you who don’t know, my marriage has been a little stressed recently as Hubby and I inventory our issues like LEGOs in attempt to put them back together in a way that works for us both, so taking on this project wa extremely personal and a bit harshly timed.  I made it to almost 12,000 words before the emotional weight made it impossible to keep going, but I don’t consider this experiment a complete loss.

For one thing, what I have so far is an amazing piece.  I have been adding to it here and there when I can, and when I have the time and energy to put the entire puzzle back together, I believe it will be a beautiful mosaic of words and emotions.  I believe in this project, or I wouldn’t have taken it on the way I did.

Next, it was amazing therapy in some ways and an amazing awakening in others.  It allowed me to get words out that I felt lost trying to express before, which meant I was able to keep a logical calm tone when dealing with Hubby in emotionally charged situations.  It allowed me somewhere to put the often irrational feelings and insecurities that are mine to deal with, things that often cloud our ability to fix the shared problems.  It allowed me a story board to map out my experience throughout this marriage and showed me where my own behaviour and thinking may have been the problem without a tone of blame or guilt to get in the way of resolution.

Finally, it reminded me of what I have to fight for, everything we have already fought through, and the strength we have when we fight together for something not against each other.  Killing a marriage that didn’t exist helped me see the ways to save the one that does.

So, no, I don’t get the fancy winner badge, which is a shame, because I loved the graphics NaNoWriMo used this year.  However, I don’t consider this a loss.  Sometimes you need to both something to be able to think outside the box a little.  Sometimes you need to fall to change your perspective.

Thank you , NaNoWriMo.  I’ll see you next year!

 

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