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A friend recently posed a question to her pagan friends on social media about being openly pagan in the workplace.  As unfortunate as it is, this can be a serious decision to make.  While certain things are protected by both company policies and federal laws,  nothing is immune to the office politics game.  Nothing.

With my new job I don’t generally work with the same people for more than a few days at a time.  This means I’m constantly meeting new people and forever telling my story.  I wrote before that we never come out just once as anything.  We do it every time we meet someone new.  Nothing has made this as apparent as the internal checklist I go through in my head every time I meet a new crew.  What has this person told me of his life?  How open-minded does she seem?  What has our rapport been so far?  If none of these things throws any red flags there’s a deep intuition check.  Does this feel right?

As a general rule I am fairly open about who I am.  I’ve found that it mitigates the amount of gossip that finds its way back to me.  I won’t lie when people ask questions about my life, but I do try to gauge my audience before I speak, and I very rarely offer unsolicited information unless it’s appropriate to the conversation, which is even more rare.  There are some things I will never mention unless a coworker divulges it first or I consider her a close friend.

The simple fact here is that it’s none of anyone’s business.  Would I like to be able to mention what I did over the weekend or casually talk about my family?  Of course I would, and while it’s a shame that I have to gauge my listener first to do so, that fact remains.  Honestly, I wish more acquaintances did this before blessing me with information about their lives that I’d rather not have.

 

Blessings!

Go now, be you!

adult-gamer-water-cooler

Love hurts

Love

One little word with all the power in the world.  The word love has the power to grant gifts of flight and healing.  It can help us cope with loss and distance and overcome addiction and fear.

Love.

One syllable that acts like a Pandora’s box.  It enfolds passion, compassion, and value.  It becomes synonymous with desire, need, and cherish.  It encompasses so much, yet leaves just as much unable to describe or speak.

Love.

Love also holds great capacity for hurt.  It can enslave and obsess.  It can be used to cut down or to allow ourselves to be cut down.  For love people make themselves vulnerable and blind.  For love we withstand abuse and isolation.  Love gives us the ability to look past anything and accept anything from those to whom we give it.  Love can be a drug and a poison, and one that makes us do and say awful things to one another because we find it justified.

Can love alone sustain a marriage?  Can love help one see past loneliness and feelings of inadequacy?  Can love exist where there is not a common goal?

These are questions I find myself asking.  Am I a failure?  Is my love enough?  Am I loving properly and to my fullest potential or have I confused it with something else?  After five years of persevering and surviving with love in my holster, is it still strong enough?  If so, why is it that we are so easily able to hurt one another?  How is it that the man who knows me the best, inside and out, could hold it against me?

Love.

I keep trying because I love him.  I do whatever I can, become whatever I can, and hope I don’t lose everything good I have managed to become in the process.  Because of his love I am a better person and a better woman, at least that’s how I felt.

I’ve talked a lot about changing.  People change.  Sometimes we change together, and sometimes we move very far apart.  In moving apart, especially with the aspects of polyamory that allow me to make other connections and bonds, can we still exist as a family?  How do we redefine ourselves?  Is it possible to do so without losing who we are as a couple?

I refuse to give up so easily, but he has told me to prepare to face the fact that this may no longer be good for either of us, that what I need is not him, that my life could be happier without him.  I’ve heard this a few times in the past few years, and it has always hurt to hear, even if some parts of it resonate with my own thoughts at times.

Am I being stubborn?  Am I giving up?  Can he still love me with the changes we’ve both made?

Friends, I have no idea.  I’m terrified of the possibilities.  In the last seven months my entire family structure has disintegrated, but I never thought it would rupture like this.  We’ve had our moments, but we’ve always seen them through.  Can we again?  He’s never left before.  Tonight I sit alone…for love.

A topic that is constantly being reviewed and debated in our house is Disclosure.  For example.  I meet a girl at a non-poly, non-kink, non-whatever event.  We hit it off.  She asks for my number.  At this very moment she kicks off a time bomb, and a rather sensitive one.  This is where it crosses my mind that it may be pertinent information for her to have that I am poly, married, and with other partners.  Here are a few possible scenarios.

1.  I find a gentle or casual way to tell her then, before we’ve even gone out on a date.  This way she can decide before we get attached whether or not she’s game.  I might lose out on an awesome date and be slightly disappointed, but she isn’t getting her hopes up and being let down.  She possibly misses out on a mind-opening experience.

2.  I tell her on our first date once I see if there’s any chemistry.  This way I haven’t unnecessarily gone through the trouble of explaining myself, and maybe we’ve still had a very good time.  There’s probably little chance either of us is too attached at this point, and maybe she’s had a good enough time and likes me enough to give it a shot.  If not, maybe I’ll at least get something casual out of it, right?  If she’s treating I may feel guilty, and she may feel she’s wasted her time and money.  If I’ve treated, well I guess it depends on how well the date went before she decided against me.

3.  Wait a few dates until I’m sure we like each other.  This is a risky move.  On one hand, she may like me enough that she’ll stick with it and see where it goes.  On the other, there’s the potential for us both being hurt, no matter how much fun we’ve had getting to this point.  If she takes it well this is where she meets my family.  If she takes that well I know we’ll do just fine.

I’ve always been a fan of an up-front approach.  I like people to know what they’re getting into with me right off the bat.  Hubby is the opposite.  He will wait until several dates in before talking to his new interest about his family.  The pros and cons here are pretty simple, and I can appreciate his opinion; if it’s not going to blossom into something serious why bother?  On the other hand, if she’s going to sleep with me regardless of my situation, she is.  If she’s going to date me, I feel she will appreciate the honesty.

Hubby’s approach has gotten him in trouble in the past.  Men feel lied to if they aren’t told in advance that he’s with women.  Women have needed “time to process and think about it”.  In one case she came back with a list of questions and a whole volume of Google research.  In others they have simply never called back.

I’m not saying there’s a right answer or a wrong answer.  As we all know, very few poly questions are answered that simply.  The important factor is that we communicate and do our best to take into account the emotional process that will take place as a new partner, especially one brand new to poly, learns of our family and makes her decision.  Sometimes that takes time, and this is something I’ve had to coach Hubby through several times, as he is not a man of much patience.  It is our duty to be patient, understanding, resourceful, and supportive no matter what that final decision might be.  Of course, we always hope for the best, that we’ve given someone a new experience and a chance to open her mind and heart to new possibilities.

I guess what I’m saying is no matter when you choose to disclose your lifestyle to a new interest, choose wisely and do it well.

Aloha.

Go now.  Do something new.

 

“So, do you guys have sex with other people?” my dad asked me out of the blue.  Being separated by 3,000 miles, he doesn’t have the day-to-day exposure to our family, and  the information my grandmother had garnered from this very blog had given him a whole carnival of ideas about out lifestyle.  He had met the rest of our family, so after a cursory explanation and the assumption that he would ask if he wanted anything more he seemed at ease and thoroughly convinced that our partners are normal, consenting, sane people instead of sex crazed circus freaks.

Hubby and I realize how extremely lucky we are to have family who love us and try to understand and accept the choices we make.  We had a similar experience with his mother, who was mostly concerned for my patience level and our physical safety.  Once she realized I was not just tolerant but an open participant she did what Mom does, smiled and filed it under “those kids..are they trying to kill me?”.   For the most part, the poly people in our lives have similar stories, and amazing parents.  Even our girlfriend, Karissa, who was extremely concerned about her parents’ reactions, not only to her new poly arrangement but to her bisexuality, was not met with the backlash she had envisioned in her head.  They have tried to be supportive and welcomed us into their lives as a part of their daughter’s.

My boyfriend, Matt, however, while not met with as negative a reaction as he had expected from his family, has not had the accepting experience the rest of us have.  Viewed as unconventional and strange, while glad he’s happy in the wake of a troubled year, I am not a welcomed guest as a part of his life.  We expected this and have adjusted to make time together despite the stress and added hassle this creates.  In some ways it’s made us stronger, and whether or not because of the stretches of separation, we have come to cherish every and any moment we get to spend together.

This is one of the biggest outside problems we face as poly households, especially in the event of long-term, committed relationships and children.  Parents and families can do enough to cause tension and even breakups in monogamous relationships.  In plural situations the probability grows.  Will a mother who doesn’t agree with her daughter’s lifestyle refuse to acknowledge her own grandchildren?  Would I be willing to not have my family at holidays and important functions because they are not welcome, or would I simply not go?  Adversely, could I handle watching Hubby spend those days away from his mother if she refused to come to our house if my other partners were there, or would I send them away?

These are extreme cases, but they exist, and they are the choices we make when we make the decision to be non-monogamous.  We risk gossip and misunderstanding, disownership and even interventions.  Most of the time we risk never being taken seriously no matter how real or lasting these relationships are.  Moms will ask when we’re going to end this nonsense and settle down.  Dads will ask when we’ll find men who really love us and know how to treat a woman instead of all this running around.  We’ll ask why we even bothered to get married if we weren’t going to take it seriously.  Surely, as with our sexual and religious phases, this too must end.

To some parents there’s a religious aversion; to some it’s more societal.  What will their friends say?  Aunt Gertrude always did say my kids would turn out funny! To some families it’s just not normal, and many people have a problem accepting change or the idea that anyone can be happy any way but theirs.

As the poly community grows and is more openly happy and healthy we will hear more and more “coming out” stories.  Some will be heartwarming, others heartbreaking, but we must remember the importance of living life for ourselves and those who love and accept us, not to shelter those who never try.  These chosen families are full of people who deserve to know and be loved by who we really are.

I count my blessings every day that Hubby and I can be open with our families about how and who we love and that Matt has been willing to stick it out, love me, and see where our life together goes despite opposition and awkwardness.  That, maybe more than anything, proves that we all have made the right decision.  We all love each other, and love makes a family no matter what it looks like.

Aloha.

Go now…be open and honest!

I apologize for the delay in posts.  It has been a busy time in Autumn’s world, but we made it through our annual “Extended family Dinner” with flying colours.  I also have to admit that this topic has given me the most cause to pause and rethink a few things in my life, as it is not one I can relate to as well as the others.  I have been “the other woman” but never a third, and writing this article has forced me to face the fact that there will be times in my triad relationship when I have to sacrifice, when I may not be put first, or when I may be alone.

The first thing to remember is that there are different kinds of relationships extraneous partners have with a couple.  No matter what is decided, it needs to be decided before the relationship progresses too far to avoid confusion and hurt feelings.  Some outside partners have very little association, if any, with the partner they are not directly seeing.  Others are incorporated into the marriage and become a member of the household, like Emmy is in our marriage.  The latter arrangement can mean the third is involved with both partners, but this is not an assumed position.  It all comes down to the third’s comfort, attraction, and willingness to be involved.  Would it be easier for me if Emmy were attracted to and in love with me the way she is with Hubby?  Of course it would, but I can not force the issue.

The hardest thing for some monogamous or uninvolved partners to realize is that thirds are not drones or robots.  They have their own issues, emotions, need, fears, and concerns.  For the involved partner the important thing to remember is that thirds also have flaws and inconsistencies.  No relationship is perfect.  The uninvolved partner may not be made privy to these issues and concerns, but if the third is a part of the household it may help.  I have been told there are issues Hubby and Emmy have discussed, but I have not been told what they are.  At times I wonder if I am the issue, and it becomes a dangerous cycle of doubt I have had to train myself not to enter.  It really is none of my business, but I wonder if we would not function better as a triad if I knew just some of the concerns and questions brought to the table.  I know Hubby discusses our issues with Emmy, and I wish sometimes I was afforded the same openness.   In any case, it is important that Emmy’s needs be addressed whether it fits the ideal image of our household or not.  It doesn not mean she should not be expected to compromise as much as the rest of us, but it means I am expected to as well.

In speaking with people who have been thirds and had experienced this role in polyamory I have encountered a few things that have been issues in their minds.  The first is that they are always “the other” man or woman.  Especially in one’s first encounter as a third there is a feeling that maybe this really is not acceptable or that they will always take a back seat.  While a significant other will take priority in a situation that requires a choice be made, usually a third will not become a third wheel.

Another concern brought to my attention was the constant fear of overstepping one’s bounds.  Even in the most open situations it may be hard to read where the boundaries are and what permissions one has.  This is why i stressed in my last couple posts the importance of setting boundaries and sticking to them.

An issue I had never really considered before was public image.  Emmy once mentioned an uncertainty about her social role with us.  Would she be our “roommate” forever?  Who would she be to the kids.  This situation is rarely replicated in any two poly relationships, and it really depends on a triads need for discretion professionally and with extended family.  It also takes into consideration a third’s social structure and comfort with what information becomes public knowledge.  All these things will decide how a third is mentioned in  conversation.

The last, and biggest, concern I came across was a fear that while a married couple wills till be married a third is vulnerable and will be the one ultimately left alone.  I can tell you, as a significant other, that I have felt this way, too.  It is not a fear exclusive to thirds, and not a vulnerability specific to them either.  Hubby could just as easily decide he wants to spend the rest of his life with Emmy and leave me.  I could decide I can no longer share his heart and leave him with her to decide if she wanted to remain committed to him.  Everybody is vulnerable in this situation, but it is unhealthy to think this way.  It breeds nothing but paranoia and competition.

As I wrap up the series, I hope I have been at least some help.  If nothing else, it has helped me work out a few of my own fears and unravel some misunderstood emotions.  I honestly do not know where this relationship between Hubby and Emmy will lead, but I have decided to stay out of it unless it directly affects me and my marriage.

I have my own issues to work on, but if nothing else it is a growing experience for all of us.  It has served to strengthen my relationship with Hubby and forced me to trust another female, something that has been extremely difficult for me to do all my life.  I am still learning to share and to trust, but no matter how much we learn it does not mean there are no more speed bumps or dead ends to encounter.  It just means we are better equipped to deal with and move past them.  There will be other partners, and there will be other arrangements.  People will come, and people will move on with their own lives.  We will continue to grow and learn from everyone who enters our life as a household, and we will love them all the same.

Remember this, my dears, love makes a family. Now go, love your family!

Even the best laid out roads can lead to surprised; Hubby and I realized this early on in our adventures in polyamory.  Things we thought would be a struggle turned out to be smooth sailing, while things we never imagined would be a problem threatened our integrity as a couple.  This is where it became integral that we remain flexible as individuals while staying steadfast as a partnership.  This was the true test.

In our haste to involve Hubby’s girlfriend, who I am going to call Emmy, we ceased to do anything without her.  Every movie night, every road trip, and every celebration we had involved her.  We started to lose our identity as “us” in many ways, and it was as if we were no longer allowed to do anything without her.  I hate to admit it, but even sex started to wane and fade away.  It was as if our triad had taken over the marriage.  This led to fights, tension, and resentment on both sides.  Much worse, it led to animosity and jealousy on my behalf.  I felt as if my company was no longer good enough, like I was no longer good enough. 

The result of this was a need to exhort my position as Wife.  It sparked one day when Emmy turned to me in the car and announced that she was “not comfortable being anybody’s second”, and I had to remind her that she willingly joined a married couple.  In hindsight I see that I did get a little catty.  Remember this, dear readers, there is a thin line between owning your position and lording it over your partner’s other partners.  Kissing your husband is acceptable.  Body checking his partner to kiss him is not. 

Another overzealous oversight was the boundaries we had set in our early conversations with Emmy about how our triad would function.  In these kinds of situations it is easy to assume everyone is on the same level and ready to move forward, perhaps beyond set parameters.  Hubby, being the hinge that joined the two women, took the reigns and ran with them a little too voraciously than either of us was prepared to handle. 

To help a little further I have compiled a list of a few other things to avoid once you have found an active third to your relationship.

  • “Ooh Shiny Syndrom”- As with any new relationship there will be that “new love” feel.  This is a good thing, but try not to let it give you an excuse to ignore the original partner.  This only leads to hurt feelings and resentment.  There is also the tendency to not see anything negative with the new partner, which leads to unfair comparisons.  You may have lived with your original partner for some time, so you know his bad habits.  The new addition can be selective about the habits she shows you, at least in the beginning.  Think of John Cusack’s proposal scene in “Say Anything”.  

 

  • The “G” Word- Gossip.  Avoid running to your new confidante to gossip, complain, or cry to your new partner about the original partner.  Hubby and I were both guilty of this in the beginning.  I needed a woman’s perspective and he felt the need to tell her every growing pain I was feeling with our relationship.  As a result her initial impression of me was not very good.  I still feel the after-effects of it, and it has affected our ability to open with each other.  Any time we fight on the phone he calls her to vent, but I am left with my own feelings and emotions to process.  I have done my share of venting to Emmy, and afterwards I feel slightly childish, and it puts Emmy in an awkward position.  Our arguments should remain just that, ours. 

 

  • “Pussyfooting”- This one may not be as obvious.  You may even think you are helping a situation by making one of the members of your happy little family feel better.  In reality, when they find out that you are only doing or not doing things “out of respect for (their) emotions” they feel foolish, suspicious, and paranoid.  For a while Hubby would not tell Emmy he loved her in front of me.  When I found out they had been exchanging those feelings for some time I confronted him about it, and that was the answer.  Respect for my emotions.  It made me wonder what other things could be explained away so easily on my behalf, and it caused a dent in my trust.  In  his opinion it was no big deal, but it changed the way I viewed their relationship for a long time.

 

  • Disappointment- Do you remember what it was like to be single?  Do you remember what first dated were like?  Do you remember the disappointment when things just did not work out?  Why do you think this will be any different?  Polyamorists are neither more enlightened nor more compatible with each other than any other person looking for a relationship.  Hubby and I have had plenty of flops, believe me.  At times it was daunting, especially with such a specialized dating pool, but we kept trying.  Even if this relationship does not work out int he long run, we know it has been a positive experience above all the flops.

This has all helped us hone another skill.  Conflict resolution.  I tend to get defensive when I feel hurt or rejected, and I tend to feel hurt and rejected when someone starts chosing other people or activities over time with me.  Did we have genuine issues to resolve?  Of course we did, but me getting defensive and crying and Hubby getting frustrated and shutting down because I could not see things his way was never going to fix those issues.  Over the past few months we have worked extremely diligently to improve our conflict resolution process, and it has done our marriage a world of good. 

We are just now finding the balance and compromise needed for this arrangement to function.  Each of us has had to make sacrifices.  I have given up time with Hubby.  Emmy has given up a little of her independence and has taken up a little responsibility to help our household run smoothly.   Hubby has accepted that some of the things I have asked for from him are not unreasonable, and he has taken the initiative to be a better partner to me and to Emmy.  I believe we all have, and will continue to, change  for the better if we can keep that balance and spirit of compromise alive.

The biggest piece of advice I can give is to not let polyamory ruin your marriage.  There is nothing worth risking a strong relationship that can not be worked out and used as a learning experience. 

Now go…love someone.

There are certain things that will make or break a polyamorous experience.  I admit that in the early days of our relationship Hubby and I had innumerable arguments about boundaries, and every time we fought he would ask me why I felt the way I did.  My response was always a stubborn and shut down “I just do!”.  It was immature and a bit shortsighted of me not to want to dig deeper and admit that there may be reasons for my emotions.  My fears?  I might not like the real reasons for my emotions.  They might redefine character flaws.  They might point them out to Hubby.  He was trying to understand, and I needed him to not only understand but to care.  This is generally where logic brained Hubby meets emotionally charged romantic brained Autumn and communication flies out the window as if on fire.  The lesson here is that even if you have both decided to give polyamory a shot there are some conditions you should be willing to accept and some requirements you need to meet as a couple to ensure not only a positive experience but one that does not end in a messy breakup and a custody battle over a shitzu. 

The most important asset to any relationship, no matter what shape it takes, is communication, especially when emotions may be running high or people might not really grasp such abstracts as love and sexuality.  Each partner needs to state clearly, with no metaphors or ambiguities, not only what desires and intentions exist for the relationship but also any concerns and roadblocks may there may be.  There has to be an understanding that nothing is barred from the discussion as long as it stays a discussion and not blossom into an argument.  Only then can everyone feel like all the issues at hand have been addressed.  Ground rules need to be set, again in no uncertain terms, before anyone else is added to the equation to ensure there are no hurtful surprises, assumptions, or offences.  Things like “who are we looking for?”, “what will we do with them and what is off-limits?”, and “when in our schedules and our life together are we going to fit this new person?” need to be discussed.  Basically there needs to be a plan for “how will we do this?” that leaves room for compromise, growth, and change.  Believe me, there will be change.  When Hubby and I started out we sought out same-sex partners only.  If there was any opposite sex contact it was generally assumed they were at least bi-sexual if not interested only in the same-sex portion of our marriage.  When Hubby fell in love with a straight woman things changed.  In the long run they changed for the better, but it was a bumpy transition full of growth and compromise.  I admit, it also included hesitantly putting my faith in the belief that things would work out for the better and not leave me lost and alone.

Another important piece of the puzzle is security.  Trust is one of the hardest things for a couple to admit they may not have.  We can all say we love our significant others, but do we trust them indiscriminately?  Do you check your boyfriend’s text messages?  Do you read  your wife’s instant message or email history?  Do you stalk you lover’s Facebook for incrimination wall posts?  How do you react when your partner fails to answer the phone when you call?  Dig deep on this one or it will kill you.  Before  anyone else can enter a relationship it needs to be secure with itself.  We need to trust not only our partners, but ourselves and our marriages to withstand any blows it may take as a result of change.  This includes self-esteem and self-worth issues and honestly knowing the limits of each partner’s will power.  It can be easy to fall prey to “I wonder if he just wants someone prettier, sexier, smarter?” or “am I just letting her get away with cheating on me?”.  This is a mind trap, and once you let it take over there is little anyone can do to save the relationship. 

Once you can be sure of security the last step is honesty.  What motives do you have for wanting this?  Are you sexually unsatisfied?  Are you avoiding commitment?  Do you think it will make your husband love you more if you bring another woman into your marriage?  Are you afraid your girlfriend will leave you if you do not agree to her having a girlfriend?  I promise you these are all extremely poor reasons to live a polyamorous lifestyle.  If you can say, however, that you still look at your wife with wonder and love, that your feelings and desires for her have not changed and will nto change with the addition of another partner, and that you would choose this marriage above any other you have reached a level of union that will withstand any test this lifestyle may pose.  

I was asked recently what my advice would be for a couple who are just beginning and who may not know if polyamory is for them.  I would never say not to test it out, but I would say to take small steps.  Do not immediately involve people with whom you already share strong emotions and expectations.  This poses a grave risk of hurting everybody involved and possibly destroying friendships.  Remember, other people have emotions too.  This goes beyond just you, and even beyond just you and your partner.  Hubby and I began at a club as swingers.  Start there.  One of a few things will probably happen.  One, you will both decide you are just not comfortable enough to go this route.  It may bring up some issues you and your partner need to address.  Two, you will find playing without any additional commitment completely satisfying.  There is nothing wrong with this.  Three, and this is where Hubby and I began to identify as polyamorous as opposed to just swingers, you will still feel a void.  I liken it to the moment one realizes that a string of one night stands can never replicate or replace the intensity of a passionate, loving relationship.  This is when there is generally a desire for more than momentary pleasure.  This is where you start inviting these people to share your life not just your fun.  This is when you know that polyamory is right for you, and as long as all the other strengths and failsafes exist you will most likely have a positive experience. 

These values are not by any means exclusive to polyamory, so my task to you today, dear readers, is to look at your relationships and see if they have what it takes to withstand challenge and hardship.  If not, try to identify why.  If so, are you sure?  Do not wait for s crisis to test your bonds.  Fortify them in advance and you can do anything with love.

Go now.  Love.

A conversation came up recently about “coming out”, and it dawned on me that I never did.  I tried once.  When I told my grandmother about my bisexuality she asked me if I was sure, told me she had friends in high school she kissed, insisted that did not make her bisexual, and told me to just not make a scene.  I have never been a fan of big emotional scenes where my family is concerned, and it seemed sophomoric for me to make a big announcement about who I choose to love or who catches my interest.  In that same vein I never really announced when I chose a spiritual path or the fact that Hubby and I are polyamorists either.  People will notice and figure it out or they won’t.  It doesn not affect how we live our lives one way or the other.

I am never sure how my family would have responded had I “come out”.  Sometime after I started high school I started slipping the word “girlfriend” into conversation, and I have never hid my interest in any girl in front of my family.  It recently came to my attention that there is more than I assumed about my life my family never noticed.  I never made an effort to actively hide these things.  I just never saw the need for histrionics or more emotions that I already carried within me.  Perhaps this was not fair to them.  Perhaps they deserved a chance to experience my adolescence with me.  Perhaps a part of my growing, healing, and understanding life and the world around me could have also been a growing and learning experience for them.

When I moved to Pennsylvania there were things that just never came up, which meant there were more things my family never knew about my life.  With the advent and assimilation of my family into social networking sites there was a little more awareness of who I am.  As long as other people resist telling my family things about me that are either misconceptions or ignorant assumptions this has mostly been a positive change in how my family and I relate and communicate.  This blog came a missing link of sorts, as it covers my past as well as my present in more detail than a Facebook status or phone conversation.  I often get more intimate with my readers than I do over the phone or in person, so there will be things here people would not necessarily know otherwise.  This is not a personal slight.  I am just more comfortable in this venue than a face to face situation with most people when it comes to possibly emotional topics.

A while ago my grandmother “friend requested” me on Facebook, and it handed me a choice that I pondered for a while.  Did I deny the request and leave her to wonder why, add her and censor my life, or add her and accept that there may be questions about the adult I have become.  I decided to act like just that, a mature adult with my own life.  I had a smaller version of this dilemma with co-workers, friends from my past, and anyone new in my life.  I realize there are things people may find out about me that are difficult and may spawn questions, but I can not fathom hiding who I am from anyone I love.  If they love me in return they will accept me and share in my joy in my life.  I guess, in a way, this is a form of coming out for me.

What about you, dear readers?  If you live an alternative lifestyle are you “out”?  How did you do it?  How do you life the lifestyle?  I would love to hear from you.  This  blog is about your stories as much as it is about mine.

Hi, I’m pansexual, pagan, and polyamorous.  Who are you?

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