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Mabon, the second and middle harvest, is a day of balance, sharing, and “reaping what we sow”.  It’s the time for contemplation and awareness of the thin line between light and dark.  It’s a time for valuing and conserving.

We celebrate, but we also start to look towards what needs to be completed.  What is reaching a natural end?  What projects need to be wrapped up?  What ones have run fallow and need to be let go so that we have enough to make it through the winter?

Quite often our rituals focus on celebrations to fuel us as we wrap up the tasks of our fruitful seasons.  In my case, I’ve always planted my seeds at Mabon, and the dark season has become my fruitful season.

This year Mabon hits us at the tail end of what has been an extremely rough Mercury Retrograde for most people close to me, heightening the need for balance and contemplation.  It’s hurt a lot, even by my standards, and I’ve felt all week like many of us are being set up for some pretty serious trials, but out of it I can feel the rich soil I’m cultivating for the months ahead.

As always, my Mabon solitary celebration takes a closer look at balance.  This time it’s opening me up to just how much the dark side of that light/dark balance affects me.  I’ve been meditating on how it can aid me instead of holding me back and how to go about using it properly.  Because of the retrograde I’ve been extremely raw and emotional.  Miscommunication is rampant.  Relationships are teetering.  Plans are failing.  My world is burning to the ground, and while it took more than one match, I’m holding one of them.  There’s very little light left to cling to for the season, and what there is is blinded by the conflagration.  Fire.  What is fire but light in the darkness?  What is fire if not the transformation we started at Lughnassad.  What is fire if not a chance for rebuilding.  Still, there has to be balance.  I cannot just let uncontrolled fires rage, and while the ones on the outside might be out of my control, the ones on the inside are my power and passion, and the key to not being consumed by them is to use their light to create that balance.

I decided weeks ago that the period between Mabon and Samhain would be a period of stepping back and contemplating my life and all the questions Mabon asks of us.  The results of retrograde may have shouted them in my face, but the quiet creeping darkness of the days to follow will help be find the dark places I need to reconcile myself with.  The fading light I feel around me gives me just enough to see the outline of the trials before me, but not enough to know where they’ll lead me, and that’s part of the lesson.

Mabon is a twilight.  It will help me let go where I need to in order to preserve my energy for the storms worth weathering this winter, because they’re coming.  The twilight reminds us that the deep dark is coming, and we can’t avoid it.  We must embrace the chaos of the storm to survive it, and we must embrace the unseen in the darkness to navigate it.  I have to have faith that I can.

 

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Aloha

Go now, find your balance.

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The last several weeks for me have been full of reconnections, reunions, and a lot of dredging places I forgot I had sunk some pretty heavy ships.  These day’s I’ve stayed afloat by riding the waves and staying on the surface with the belief that what I really needed to focus on would be blown my way.  As someone quite often lead by emotion and intuition, this approach has been a refreshing change from being ruled rather than lead.  This is the only way it’s been possible for me to accept the sudden resurfacing of so many abandoned parts of my past.  For the most part this had been a positive experience on a very cathartic level, but also because I missed having some of these people in my life. I’ve shared a lot of laughs, shed a few tears, and had some amazing conversations.  I’ve also vowed not to try to sort these relationships based on their former blueprints.   Easier said than done, right?

Well, enter Mercury Retrograde and its not so gentle reminder to examine information coming in for what it truly says instead of what I think it should say, including self chatter.  I talk to myself a lot, both internally and externally, but how often do I really try to analyse any of it?  The answer is, most likely, almost never, which is probably counterintuitive for a writer and an energy worker.   Right on the heels of this retrograde, like a questionable sidekick, are the days where nothing seems to work right, the tied tongues, and the miscommunication that starts to break the harmony I’ve worked so hard to restore to this household after the changes of the winter.  I can’t let this happen, friends.  So, it’s time.  Time to dive a little deeper.

My aim here is not to exhume old shipwrecks and the tragedies that went down with them, but to see what they’ve now become.  Actual shipwrecks become their own ecosystems.  I’m anxious to see what lives in mine now and what might float to the surface when I find whatever it is that’s calling to me.  These are the things that will be important moving forward.  Adversely, this kind of diving reminds me that sometimes what looks like a jewel is just a shiny rock, and where there are cute fish there are also sharks.  There were reasons these ships sank, and if those problems haven’t been resolved there’s no reason to revisit the vessels to begin with.

This Mercury Retrograde is a bit oddly timed, but not in a particularly bad way.  It’s introspection I have needed to really sort how I feel about the events of the last several months.  It’s facing a broken part of me and working through the trust issues and emotional avoidance I’ve been struggling with for almost a decade.  It’s being able to enjoy the root good of these relationships without all the barnacles that have since grown around them.  The beauty of the Titanic wasn’t lost with its demise, which is why it’s been the focus of romance, adventure, and exploration for over 100 years.  That beauty still fascinates us to this day, and the stories of survival and strength pulled from her wreckage are inspiring and powerful.

We often give Mercury Retrograde a bad rap.  Yes, it can be frustrating.  In fact, there can be moments where it’s infuriating.  There are storms over even the most calm seas.  This can also be a time to do some organizing, some regrouping, and a lot of thinking outside the box.  It is in time of our greatest frustration that we sometimes find our greatest inspiration and perspective.  So, I let myself be overtaken by the current and sink below the surface, and I find some amazing things.  It is when I am submerged that I am reminded why I live and love the way I do and why I will always choose it over the alternative, which is to risk never experiencing the tides at all.  When I do come up for air it will be to blue skies and a shining sun, and that, my friends, is the only way to live.

Aloha.

Go now, dive deep.

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