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butterfly-fae

The past few months have been rough, and I haven’t been alone in my struggles.  It seems like everyone around me has gone through family problems, major depression, personal crisis, medical or financial hardships, or some combination of those things since Beltane, enough that I had to stop and wonder if there was any significance to it. Today I started to get the whispers of an answer.

This Litha is particularly strong, as it coincides with the full moon.  This is the day of the Sun.  It’s the time for harvesting the herbs we’ll use for healing and rituals, making it an auspicious day for work yet to come.  That raw, masculine energy is high, and we are full of powerful potential.

At Ostara the world was bright, and we watched each other build cocoons with visions of being beautiful butterflies, looking forward to the day we would spread our wings and soar on the sunlight.  We waited patiently, and little by little we began to change.  This is where the transformation began, and we needed that time to be at full strength for what came next.

As I’ve written several times, transformation is painful.  In the second half of this process, our entire form changes, and the cocoon has to be broken.  Our safe little world has to be opened up to an exciting, but terrifying, sky.  It’s bloody.  It’s traumatic.  Everything about us must change.  The caterpillars we were, and the cocoon we used to shield ourselves during our transformation must be cast aside in order to become what we are meant to be.  Those cocoons may have felt safe, but they were dark and restricting.  We weren’t meant to live there.

These battles we’ve been fighting for months are necessary for the transformation we’re each undertaking.  They’re making us stronger, moving us towards who we really are instead of the mere possibilities we have been, but only if we’re willing to let go of the caterpillars and the temporary shells they built around us.

So, back to Litha and the sun we meet as we emerge.  Sun means fire, and the fires of Litha burn hot, hotter this year than I have ever felt.  For many of us that fire has raged internally.  It purifies and transforms us, but it can be destructive if we fear it instead of dancing with it.  I’m  feeling change I set in motion years ago, and I have felt it in every cell in my body for the past three months.  It has tested my faith in myself.  It has tested my relationships.  It has tested my ability to function at mundane tasks while every part of me feels torn apart, but in the end I…in the end we all…will emerge from the darkness that has surrounded us.  I feel it happening a little more every day.  I see it happening around me.  It may not be over for some, but it will get better.  I know we will all pull through this and fly together in the sunlight.

 

Aloha

Go now,be who you were meant to be

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Litha, the longest day of the year, a day of potency and joy, and a celebration of opportunity.

This is the first summer solstice I have spent covenless, yet it comes in a year that has been more substantial and blessed than most.  I feel more powerful, more healthy, and more driven than I have in years.  Still, this has always been one of the celebrations in which I surround myself with friends and loved ones, and this year it seems to be lacking.

As the day approaches I find myself on several precipices at once.  I am on the verge of being a licensed driver for the first time in my life, I am taking huge steps with both my personal and professional life, my health is ever improving, and though we are in a time of change within our family we are still in a very positive and healthy place.  My first focus will be to empower my final push in all of these areas.

My second focus is the present.  There is no coincidence that summer represents celebration, flirtation, and youthful abandon.  It has become abundantly clear to me that I let myself keep my eyes firmly fixed ahead of me, and that much of my energy and frustration is spent on the next step instead of the current one.  A recent conversation reminded me that this was not, and should not, always be the case.  I need to embrace the spontaneity that once fed my spirit and let myself live in the moment a little more.  I need to enjoy the now and not worry about where it leads.  I also need to stop letting past experiences hold me back.  I am not who I was, and I have wrung every drop of lesson I can from those memories.  I can no longer let myself hide behind apprehension in the guise of self-preservation.  I need to live my life rather than always planning the next minutes of it or fearing a rerun of my past.  Tomorrow will come whether or not I’ve put it in my Google calendar, but today will never come back.

My solstice ritual this year will be unplanned.  I will find myself a spot near the river or in a park somewhere and let it happen however it feels right.  I will most likely be alone, and more and more I’m content with that.  I will have a few basic items with me, but for the most part my spirit will be my ritual tool.  This will be an exercise in flow and living in the present, tapping into a place from which I used to draw all my strength, blending it with the energy I’ve found elsewhere and honed over time, and using my drive and determination for the future to fuel the fire.  Only by finding and combining all three tenses within myself will I truly be using my full potential, and it’s time.

No matter what your plans are for the solstice this year, I want you to enjoy the day for the day, not just for what it leads you toward.  I think you’ll find a lot more power and meaning in it as a moment than as a stepping stone.  I know I will.

Aloha

Go now…be now.

 

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